but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
