I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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