I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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