I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
