Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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