Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
