wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
