I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
