She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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