i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My breasts were aching with rage.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
