I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
