i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
