I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
