Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
