So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
