She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
