Apparently you make a good broom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
