the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
