Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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