Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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