haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
