We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
