maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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