I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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