Im at strip club and am horny
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
