i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
