Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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