i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
