We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
