you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
