I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we're making bets on your personal life
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
