You made me cry and you don't even care
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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