this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
