I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
