I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
