I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
