that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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