Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize