I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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