I've blown a few things in my day
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
