I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
