kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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