I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
