I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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