I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
