Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
