I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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