It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my being single is dangerous.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
