Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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