Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize