my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just cropdusted the office
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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