farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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