I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So many bounce houses so little time
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
