So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
