Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize