I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
