The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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