Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
