Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
