oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
