Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
only you would photoshop your dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i think i just lost a toe
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
