kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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