Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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