I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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