Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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