Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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