Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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