Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
