ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
