I hate your face
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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