i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
