Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
