i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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