the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
