Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
