I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
