why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
