I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
