Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this just has baby written all over it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
