What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
