K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
