the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
