somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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