Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize