First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
