Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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