so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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