so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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