Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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