Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
