I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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