Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
