respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
