did you get engaged???
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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