that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
