did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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