my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize