I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
