so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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